confronting my greatest fears

My greatest airport fear came to fruition when we arrived at night in Amritsar and exited the airport. After each prior city arrival, we were greeted with a friendly sign outside the rail station or airport with "Mr. Jason and Audrey". That sign meant safe passage to our hotel and no wrangling with random taxi drivers. Well, in Amritsar there was no sign. We got out there and stood awkwardly trying to find our ticket to ride, but no go. After a few minutes, one of the other drivers holding a sign for a tour group asked if we needed help. We explained the situation and I pulled out the number for Bilal who had been setting up all our travel arrangements. The man was kind enough to call Bilal and we worked things out. Bilal hadn't read my last email carefully about our arrival time and was expecting us later in the evening. About 20 minutes later we got our driver, white scarf and all. He whisked us off and all was good.

The saving grace to all this was arrival at the newest hotel. This would be our last residence for four days. The Ranjit Svaasa Haveli had multiple levels of red brick architecture with canopied balconies all over. There were roof terraces and eclectic seating areas with rustic furniture tucked into every outside space. Each passageway was decorated with herb gardens and splaying green plants that you need to duck under to move about. 

Wait.... okay, okay, that was my observation the next morning. How did I feel when I got to our room? I was totally strung out and disoriented. We had spent the last day navigating the Indian airport system, which requires a full security check even for plane transfers.  I needed beer and Internet and my jammies. The beer came promptly from a kind young gentleman named Raj. Beer, check.

Now I needed to find the Internet so I could feel connected to the outside world and let people know we had survived. I found the security password written in the back of the guest book. "Connecting....Connecting...., Failed to connect." In my head I was screaming the biggest "Khaaannnn!" like scream. I could not cope. What to do now? I thought for a few minutes and remembered that the last hotel we were at had not set up the security on their Wifi router. So, of course I donned my Matthew Broderick "War Games" hacker gear and went to work to find me some Internets. I'll skip the technical details here lest you learn the secrets, but I manually connected to the router from my phone and reset it. After that my wife was able to connect and there was probably a collective sigh from the rest of the addict's rooms. Internet, check.

I felt a sense of empowerment and gleefully put on my jammies. Since our luggage had arrived earlier at the airport unharmed, I had regained control over my life. I had a true smile on my face. Jammies, check.

We finished our beers, our Internet fix, and settled into our bed. I tossed and turned all night though. The disorientation of the day at the airport and the journey to our new abode had left me unsure where and when I was. We were in Amritsar, a city just south of the Indian-Pakistan border. It's a place of uncertainty and has a history of conflict. I think I was feeling it. Let's hope my next greatest fear doesn't come true.

Udaipur, the most romantic city in India

[Second Edit, 12-Feb]

We're done with the trains, now on to the planes. On Feb. 4th we departed from Jaipur and took our first domestic plane trip to Udaipur, which is further south in Rajastan. This city of lakes is known as the most romantic city in India. We planned to stay 5 days there but we didn't have a driver to take us around because most sites can be accessed by foot. Our new hotel was a quaint haveli in the middle of the busy area in Old Udaipur, with lakeside views from the rooftop. It was nice to have 5 days to tour and rest as we saw fit. It was time to do less exploring of the outside world and let the relaxed atmosphere help us explore our inner world.

The Poonam Haveli people treated us very well. We made sure to get to know them since we were spending so much time. The head cook was named Deepak and would often come out and greet the guests on the rooftop restaurant. He always had a smile on his face and was eager to please in a casual and social way. The head waiter, Shankar, had a kind and gentle humor. Each night he knew our initial order, "beer number one?" After five days with the same people they start to feel like family. We all shared photos of our children from our phones and talked about our respective families.

We had booked the largest suite in advance of our arrival. Though the room was big, the furniture was sparse. When we discovered that we had no place to put our clothes we let them know. This sparked a bit of attention from them. They gave us some hangers for the three hooks in the bedroom to hang all our clothes. Later that night the owner came up to us at dinner and apologized for the lack of storage. He said there were a number of improvements they were working on, and that was one of them. He offered us a few shots of rum and all was better. He told us of his time in Paris as a chef and his transition back to his home city to take over his father's hotel, after his father and brother had passed. We received several other "extras" from him through our stay. All the places here covet positive reviews on TripAdvisor from foreigners, so they bent over backwards to help us out.

Since we were without a guide I studied the Google Map of the old city and figured out our destinations. I have to tell you we were both very worried when we learned we would be in the "old city" again. This brings back memories of Delhi, where we also had a hotel in the old city, but did not feel comfortable walking around. As my daughter would say, it was a "shit show," more literally than we felt comfortable. In contrast, Udaipur's old city was relatively clean and we didn't feel like prey on the streets. Sure, shop keepers would try to get you into their store but they were more respectful. But, watch where you walk. In any Indian city, you need to always look down when you walk. You know, animals are everywhere. Cows, camels, donkeys, dogs, monkeys, goats, and pigs - oh my.

On the first day we just walked around and got our bearings to understand where everything was. We visited the Hindu temple nearby. It had hand carvings all around the exterior. We went up the steps and entered into the inner sanctuary to have a peek. It wasn't the most pleasant place, IMHO. The temple we visited in Delhi was much more clean and it had some very inspirational quotes from their scriptures on the their walls - all universal wisdom I could relate to. In the Udaipur temple I took some pictures of the outside to appreciate the handiwork of the carvings, but I'm just not guy who gets into carved idols for obvious reasons (Abraham and all). They kind of creep me out.

We found a nice cafe called "Ozen" and had lunch there. On the first day there was an old lady on the street below who took to screaming and cursing at many people who walked by. She owned a silver jewelry business, but would curse and chase off anybody from a lower caste she didn't like. They guys at Ozen seem to get a kick out of her, but were embarrassed that she ran people off based on the outdated yet still pervasive caste system. There was a lot of verbal sparring back and forth with them. The Ozen host translated the altercation for us and gave us a run down of what was happening.

We did a brief tour of The City Palace on the south side of the old city and then came back to the hotel to load up on food and drinks and soak up the nighttime view of the lake.

The next day we planned to spend mostly at the The City Palace and Crystal gallery. There was an optional boat trip from the Palace shore, but it would have been about $50 for the two of us. We would try to find a cheaper option the next day. We went through the maze of the Palace, following the numbered signs for the audio tour (which we skipped). I can never take in all that historical stuff from tour guides, so we guided ourselves. The signs took us around the maze of the compound where the royal family still lives.  Our tour ended as we found the gardens at the southernmost part of the property and enjoyed the landscaping.

The next day after exploring the other side of the lake via footbridge we found a cheaper boat tour without all the tourist trappings. For only 600 rupees (just over $8 - what a deal), they took us on our own private covered boat around the lake. It was nice to see everything from the waterside in the mid-afternoon light.

Water is such a precious resource here in India. Though the lake was beautiful, it is polluted just like everything else. You can see people on the sides where there are staircases down to the water, washing themselves and their clothes. When you visit India you need to think carefully about water all the time. The tap water is not safe to drink. If the parasites don't put you on the toilet for a few days, the heavy metals will get you. You need to acquire and use bottled water wherever you go. This means you use it for drinking, tea, and brushing your teeth.

Back on land after the boat trip, my wife spotted a silk shirt that reminded her of a James May shirt (the guy from UK Top Gear). She has always had fantasies about me wearing the busy paisley patterns that he's known for. The one on the rack was for a woman but the shop keeper was eager to say they could custom make it to any size. He led us up to another shop around the corner where the garments were made. I got measured and looked at various patterns. Though the guy wanted to sell me many shirts, I finally convinced him I only wanted one. It cost just $27 for a custom tailored, hand made, silk shirt. The next day I picked it up and wore it back to the hotel. Guys on the street were giving me that, "do you think you are John Travolta?" kind of look as I walked by. "Exactly", I thought. Udaipur might be having some weird romantic effect on me after all.

As our pace  slowed down in this lakefront town, I came to an important realization about traveling as a couple. The two of us really looked forward to each evening on the rooftop.  We enjoyed food and drinks, lounging on the couches together. We experienced the joy of just being in each other's presence without external obligations or commitments. Just each other, resting and relaxing with time to spare. Time to watch the sun slowly dip below the mountains. Time to enjoy the bright purple flowers below the bright blue sky in the dead of winter. We soaked up all these moments and cherished them. Some couples don't travel well together. Travel demands constant adjustment, learning and adapting as each new situation presents itself.

After almost 22 years of marriage, I can say that we are quite a dynamic pair. As we have encountered each new place and people along the way, we have leaned on each other to join our minds and spirits into one traveler. We might return back home to our hectic work life, but I know that around the next corner when we journey together again we experience bliss as one.

good brakes, good horn, good luck

[Second Edit, Friday 12-Feb]

I've already talked about our driving experience in Delhi, but since this is they guy's edition of an India travel blog I've got more.

When we got to Agra after a few hours on the train, our newest driver gave us some more sage advice about driving in India. He said the key to driving anywhere in the world is, "good brakes, a good horn, and good luck."  After over two weeks now of riding in the chaotic streets of three cities, I have still not seen any collisions or people get hurt on the roads. People actually seem to look after each other on these hectic streets. A honk of the horn serves more like echolocation. It says, "I'm here". It is fascinating to watch the harmony within the chaos of these streets. At the beginning of the trip I wasn't sure if I should be afraid, or just close my eyes.

The drivers seem to alternate between semi-orderly main roads with traffic lights that people actually heed, and hectic narrow side roads that are filled with people, animals, produce carts, "tuktuk's" (motorized 3-wheel rickshaws), leg powered rickshaws, delivery trucks, and buses. When I think of the Biblical phrase "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle", I can surely say I've seen that. Ancient streets are extremely narrow, and have not gotten wider as more people and things have wanted to go through them. Each trip down those narrow streets makes me feel like a camel getting threaded through that needle.

Space issues aside, let me expound about what you see on these journeys. Having now been in Delhi (old and new), Agra, and Jaipur, I can say that there are significant differences between regions. When we moved to Jaipur we entered a different state in India called Rajasthan. Jaipur felt significantly different to us. It reminded me most like Haifa in Israel, but without a port. It is very much a modern city that is having a growth spurt. It is a busy place - not fake busy, but real busy. People all around are working at building up the city. I see technology and modern housing. I see more normal streets with functioning traffic lights that people follow. Jaipur is known for its hand made textiles and marble carvings. The people here are proud of their state and look down upon Agra and Delhi.

By contrast, in Delhi and Agra the garbage is everywhere. When people open up a gum wrapper, they throw it on the ground. The garbage just seems to accumulate in spaces and no one takes any pride to pick it up. In Jaipur things are much cleaner. You will encounter heaps of garbage here and there. This is left for the animals in the streets to graze upon. I suspect this heap is scooped into the dumpsters each night after the animals have gone through the food scraps. I believe the attitude of the two regions will define their success or failure. If you take pride in what you do, who you are, and where you live, then life will prosper and people will band together to build a better future. If you are living a life of pure survival and don't derive meaning to your existence, then you are doomed to live in squalor.

In Delhi and Agra, large sections of the city streets present you with shanti towns used by the extreme poor. They are everywhere. People camp out under bridges, by the train tracks, and wherever there is unused space. Jaipur is much different. I haven't really seen the shanti towns here, though they probably exist on the outskirts of the town. I see some people sleeping on the sidewalks, but this is common in any major US city too.

The streets are just filled with everything. Every kind of human, and animal, and contraption. I feel that even after only a few weeks here I have developed filters to cope with it all. I expect to see the unexpected. My wife and I will often seen something truly remarkable from the safety of our car and glance at each other with puzzled looks on our faces. It is a place that defies explanation. Our driver sometimes sees the same remarkable thing and just quips "It's India".